Time to Say Goodbye / Euthanasia/ Grief
It’s really important to know when you should consider euthanasia - this video has a really balanced and thoughtful discussion which may help you make this difficult decision.
Understanding Euthanasia in Pets
When is it the Right Time to Euthanise a Pet?
Should A Pet Housemate Be Present for Euthanasia of a Companion?
A Peaceful Passing for Pets: Humane Euthanasia
The following is a gentle and compassionate website for pet lovers who are grieving over the death of a pet or an ill pet. Here you will find personal support, thoughtful advice, The Monday Pet Loss Candle Ceremony, Tribute Pages, healing poetry, the Rainbow Bridge Poem & much more.
Pet Loss
Support for your Rabbit
Just like us, rabbits grieve when they lose a loved one. It can really help your rabbit to understand what has happened if you can allow access to their deceased partner so that they can say goodbye. Your rabbit will need lots of extra attention and comfort from you at this time as well. You can give them a soft toy to snuggle and groom and start to think about adopting another rabbit in need to bond with your grieving rabbit.
Do Pets Grieve?
What many people find hard to believe is that animals can form very firm attachments with each other. Even pets that outwardly seem to barely get along will exhibit intense stress reactions when separated. In fact, grieving pets can show many symptoms identical to those experienced by the bereaved pet owner. The surviving pet(s) may become restless, anxious and depressed. There may also be much sighing, along with sleep and eating disturbances. Often, grieving pets will search for their dead companions and crave more attention from their owners.
Pets and People - New Zealand’s first Pet Loss Support hotline
Grieving the Loss of a Pet
Grief is the normal response to any important loss in life. It occurs regardless of whether death followed a prolonged illness, or a sudden accident. Grieving people experience both physical and emotional traumas as they try to adapt to the upheaval in their lives brought about by the loss.
Psychologists have long recognised that the grief suffered by pet owners after their pet dies is the same as that experienced after the death of a person. The death of a pet means the loss of a non-judgmental love source. There is no longer anything for the pet owner to nurture and care for. Furthermore, the owner looses his or her contact with "the natural world." These feelings can be particularly intense for the elderly, single people and childless couples,( for whom the pet also is a child substitute).
The Stages of Grief
In truth, the process of grief is not a cut and dried process that can be subdivided into strict categories. Rather, the grief process is a continuum, with each person experiencing it in a different way. Dividing the grief process in to "stages" helps the grief stricken person to understand that their experiences and emotions are normal. Some people will quickly progress through all the phases, while others appear to get "stuck" in a particular phase. Briefly, the stages of grief are as follows:
* Shock and Denial
The reality of death has not yet been accepted by the bereaved. He or she feels stunned and bewildered-as if everything is "unreal."
* Anger
The grief stricken person often lashes out at family, friends, themselves, God, the Veterinarian or the world in general. Bereaved people will also experience feelings of guilt or fear during this stage.
* Bargaining
In this stage, the bereaved asks for a deal or reward from either God, the Veterinarian or the Clergy. Comments like "I'll go to Church every day, if only my pet will come back to me" are common.
* Depression
Depression occurs as a reaction to the changed way of life created by the loss. The bereaved person feels intensely sad, hopeless, drained and helpless. The pet is missed and thought about constantly.
* Acceptance
Acceptance comes when the changes brought upon the person by the loss are stabilised into a new lifestyle.
The depth and intensity of the mourning process depends on many factors. The age of the owner, circumstances surrounding the death, relationship of the animal to the owner and to other family members, are all significant. Recently experiencing the death of a significant person in the owner's life can also affect how the pet's death is handled. Usually, children recover more quickly, while the elderly take the longest. Sometimes, the death of a pet will finally enable the bereaved to mourn the loss of a person, whose death had not yet been accepted.
Pet Loss and Children
Many people do not realise how traumatic and confusing death can be on a child. Although children tend to grieve for shorter periods of time, their grief is no less intense than that experienced by adults. Children also tend to come back to the subject repeatedly; so extreme patience is required when dealing with the grieving child. Some helpful tips for helping the grieving child include:
* Giving the child permission to work through their grief.
- tell their teacher about the pet's death.
- encourage the child to talk freely about the pet.
- give the child plenty of hugs and reassurance.
- discuss death, dying and grief honestly.
* NEVER say things like "God took your pet," or the pet was "put to sleep."
- The child will learn to fear that God will take them, their parents or their siblings.
- The child will become afraid of going to sleep.
* Include the child in everything that is going on.
* Explain the permanency of death.
Healing
Given time, healing will occur for the bereaved owner. However, there are several things that the grief-stricken owner can do to help speed up the healing process:
1. Give yourself permission to grieve.
- only YOU know what your pet meant to you.
2. Memorialise your pet.
- makes the loss real and helps with closure.
- allows the bereaved to express their feelings, pay tribute and reflect.
- draws in social support.
3. Get lots of rest, good nutrition and exercise.
4. Surround yourself with people who understand your loss.
- let others care for you.
- take advantage of support groups for bereaved pet owners.
5. Learn all you can about the grief process. - helps owners realise that what they are experiencing is normal.
6. Accept the feelings that come with grief.
- talk, write, sing, or draw.
7. Indulge yourself in small pleasures.
8. Be patient with yourself.
- DON'T let society dictate how long mourning should last.
9. Give yourself permission to backslide.
- it WILL end and your life WILL be normal again.
- grief is like waves in the ocean: at first the waves come in fast and hard, but as time goes on, the waves become less intense and further apart.
- don't be surprised if holidays, smells, sounds, or words trigger a relapse.
10. Don't be afraid to get help.
- pet loss support groups
- grief counsellors.
Conclusion
Grief is probably the most confusing, frustrating and emotional thing that a person can experience. It is even more so for pet owners. Society in general does not give bereaved pet owners "permission" to grieve openly. Consequently, pet owners often feel isolated and alone. Luckily, more and more resources are becoming available to help the bereaved pet owner realise that they are NOT alone and that what they are feeling is entirely normal.
By Margaret Muns DVM
Further Reading & Resources -
Loss of a pet - NZ Based Skylight Trust
New Zealand pet loss therapists, support groups, and grief hotlines - Tiny Pet Memories
Pet Loss and Grief - Grief Relief, Navigating Life and Loss in New Zealand
Four Steps to Take After Experiencing Pet Loss - Psychology Today
International Pet Loss Resources: Australia & New Zealand - The Pet Loss Support Page
Commemorative Keepsakes
Many of us want to be able to keep our treasured buns close forever. Here are some suggestions to help you do that -
ICE Keepsake Jewellery - One of a kind handcrafted pieces using your very own DNA and Keepsake inclusions, perfect for showcasing each precious moment in your life.
Heartfelties - HeartFelties are highly detailed handmade miniature animal replicas made from needle felted natural fibres, including wool, mohair, alpaca, bamboo and silk. Needle felting is a slow methodical process – my only tool is a sharp barbed needle to stab the fibres repeatedly into a firm shape. Each animal takes several days to complete.
AdaLily - Special commemorative toys made from preloved pet blankets etc
Reterniti - After losing a pet, Reterniti feel it is so important to be able to keep our pet’s ashes in a memorable way. Having a cremation stone made up completely with your pets ashes and a touch of natural binder gives you a physical alternative to storing your pets ashes in a box or urn where they are often left on a shelf, untouched.
Neek and Neesh / Instagram - Custom Pet portrait jewelleryThese make lovely memorials for those who have had a pet pass over the rainbow bridge. We also give a percentage of all sales to animal rescues/charities.
Gone But Never Forgotten Memorial Jewellery - A unique service offering a wide range of stunning memorial pendants. Carefully Handmade using creamation ashes or hair locket of both humans & animals. Each piece is carefully handmade with love.
Designs.By.Emma - A pet memorial candle is a beautiful way to honour and remember your beloved furry friend. It is a thoughtful way to keep your pet's memory alive and cherish the time you shared together. $25 Each
What is a Necropsy?
If your rabbit dies of unknown causes it can be a great comfort to know why this happened and a Necropsy/Autopsy, is the way to do this.